Children have “icky” borders and that is a good thing. Not sure who told me about this concept, but it helped me shift my thinking about my kids. Icky borders are natural lines that children instinctively don’t feel comfortable crossing. This natural caution would be the reason most little girls hate getting their hands dirty, why smoking doesn’t make sense to most eight year olds, and why the idea of sex is disgusting to an eleven year old—at least it should be.
I personally think it is a God-given instinct to keep them safe. The problem is this – we tend to rub out the icky borders leaving our children exposed. We do it all the time with trends that push the borders. Have you seen pictures of teenage girls in bikinis splattered with mud? Pictures can push borders. Remember when the top news (for months!) was about our president having oral sex? Not one, but two of my teacher friends had to start doing bathroom patrols in their middle schools because children had been caught having oral sex in the bathroom – an icky border had been rubbed out.
The upsetting thing is that it is so easy to rub out an icky border. We make it look thrilling, then “everyone” in our children’s world wants to do it. Some kids are more susceptible to this than others. You know who I’m talking about; the child that thinks that anything dangerous must be fun—like sticking your finger in a fan or a light socket. If this is one (or more) of your kids, then I recommend that you sharpen your parenting skills because they’ll need continual reminding of their boundaries (set by you). And get a lasso; they’ll need you to rein them in—constantly. Oh and one more thing I learned from experience, you’ll probably want to make sure you have good insurance coverage (health, homeowners, car, life, flood, etc.) just in case!
Either way – strong borders or weak borders there is something you can do. First don’t make the mistake I did thinking my child was way too cautious and needed to be more adventuresome! Respect and encourage those God-given instincts. Second, if your child doesn’t have strong, icky borders teach them early and create boundaries so they develop a strong border in their mind. Third, protect against desensitization, or the rubbing out of icky borders, by protecting their little, and even not so little, eyes and ears.
