How to Be Spontaneous in Your Marriage

Once upon a time, I was spontaneous and fun. In fact, my husband would say it was one of the characteristics that attracted me to him. I was ready to go anywhere at a moment’s notice. I was always looking for a chance to be creative and romantic. Constantly, I was surprising Mark with impromptu scavenger hunts and silly poems. I was full of energy and ideas.

But then what always seems to happen…happened. Life caught up with me. We had kids, and our schedules got busier and busier–and all creativity was devoted to school projects, homecoming floats, organizing football fundraisers and choreographing choral numbers. I ran out of the energy for the spontaneity that is so important for keeping the passion alive in marriage. Mark noticed. In fact, he came to me about it—more than once. I didn’t receive his comments. Instead, I rejected his feelings of neglect with well-justified excuses that everything I was doing was for OUR children.

I was wrong. Our marriage is the most important relationship I have in the world. I made a covenant to love and care for my husband when I married him. Yes, my children are important. I brought them into this world, and I will always love them. But my relationship with my husband was first, before kids, and should be stronger not weaker when they are all grown and on their own.

The key to keeping my marriage strong even during the busy seasons is for me to save time for the spontaneity that we both need to recapture the joy that we have in each other.

So here are a couple of simple rules I’ve discovered about how to be spontaneous when it comes to the little things in marriage.

1. Spontaneously express love.

This can be done every day in milliseconds. So there is no excuse not to. Every moment is a chance to love your spouse well. Show your husband your love for him with affection. Do you watch TV? Lay with him on the couch. Do you watch your kids participate in sports? Sit by him and hold his hand. Snuggle at night. Confession, I sleep better when I am curled up with Mark. He knows this and has learned to like it and warns me constantly that I better get in bed or I will lose my snuggle time. This reminder, as silly as it sounds, helps me to let go of whatever I am doing and get to bed on time—I have the tendency to task until midnight if left to myself.

There are so many ways to express love spontaneously with notes, kissing in public, hugging every time you reconnect all day, and this is all easy stuff that doesn’t take a lot of time but it says I love you, I am thinking about you, and you are a priority

2. Spontaneously spend time.

Time—it is an elusive vapor that can rarely be accounted for. I am often convicted of not being strategic with my time. I have lost so many opportunities to spontaneously spend time with Mark because I could not account for wasted time. And I really have no excuse for not going on a walk (this is a little thing), a night out, a weekend getaway or just making love with my husband (you don’t need a sitter for this one!). I have time, but I have not always prioritized my time to include Mark!  

So don’t do as I do and get lost in the details of life, wasting important time. And please pray for me to be strategically disciplined with my time going forward. Be creative and romantic with your spouse on a spontaneous date. Take a drive and see where you end up, explore a nearby park, make ice cream sundaes in the middle of the night, or find a babysitter at the last minute and go for a walk on the beach! Actually, I could use some ideas, how do you spontaneously spend time with your husband?

There are so many things we could do with our time but only people—relationships—are worth every minute. {Tweet This}

So think about this lovely thought from Tolkien…

“I sit beside the fire and think of all that I have seen
Of meadow flowers and butterflies in summers that have been
Of yellow leaves and gossamer in autumns that there were
With morning mist and silver sun and wind upon my hair.

I sit beside the fire and think of how the world will be
When winter comes without a spring that I shall ever see,
For still there are so many things that I have never seen
In every wood in every spring there is a different green.

I sit beside the fire and think of people long ago
And people that will see a world that I shall never know,
But all the while I sit and think of times there were before
I listen for returning feet and voices at the door.

― J.R.R. Tolkien

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