As a mom I can be a little too passionate about instructing my children on how to be the best they can be. As a result I often forget that sometimes my kids just need a hug, not a lecture. This is an excerpt from The Passionate Mom on my failure to listen and respond in a way that is comforting and encouraging to my children:
It really helps to remember that you are listening with the purpose of trying to understand your child. Your listening should be processing but not necessarily forming a response for your child. I am not very good at just listening without processing solutions.
I became acutely aware of this from Emily, my most expressive and affectionate child. Emily likes to express every emotion and drama of the day. Of course, I like to respond with lots of instruction about how she should have handled the situation and what the outcome could have been had she followed my instructions.
This scenario was playing out quite a bit in her sixth grade year due to some girl drama with her little group of friends. Finally, after about three such situations in one week, Emily covered my mouth, mid-sentence, with her hand, burst into tears, and said, “Mom, please stop telling me what to do. I just want you to listen and hold me!”
Above is a picture of my husband, doing exactly what Emily needed at the moment. She was sad about leaving us to go back to school. I was in the car waiting with one eye on the clock. I took this picture (with a pang of regret about my lack of tenderness) of my husband meeting her emotional needs with a comforting hug in response to the tears that were welling up in her eyes.
Actions do speak louder than words and dads can be more perceptive than moms.
Sigh.
