Mark and I can definitely argue. He’s an attorney by trade, and I’m half Italian! When we argue with our husbands, there is a point at which we cross a line and toxic words push an argument to a fight.
We usually go to these statements as a defense mechanism. For example, you’re in the argument and you feel like you’re losing. You don’t want to lose so you resort to one of these statements. Or you’re just furious and you want to hurt your husband. So think about when it is that you use these things we shouldn’t say during a fight.
“You’re such a ______.”
When you call your husband a name, you’re basically getting off topic and trying to defend yourself by hurting him. It’s never good to get personal during a fight.
“Well, at least ____”
We do this when we’re trying to turn the fight away from the main issue at hand. We want to defend ourself by saying what we do right, “Well, at least I don’t run up our credit card bill like you do.”
“I don’t care.”
I don’t care can be taken out of context and stick in your husband’s head long after the fight ends. During the fight, when you say you don’t care, he hears, “She doesn’t care about me. She doesn’t care about my feelings. She doesn’t care enough to keep trying to work on this.”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
When you say this you’re telling your husband, “You’re a crazy person. Nothing you’re saying makes sense, so let it go because I can’t even give you the time of day.” It can also be very demeaning. If your husband is upset about something then it’s not ridiculous to him, it’s serious.
“I may have done that, but you ____.”
This is another way to deflect. This helps avoid taking full responsibility for what we’ve done. It says, “It’s more your fault than it is mine.” It can also be used to pull in every past wrong your husband has ever committed.
“So and so wouldn’t react the way you are.” Or “You’re being just like your ___.”
When you say these phrases you are playing the comparison game. I have been guilty of this in two different ways. I have compared my husband to some other husband. Or I have compared my husband to his father, brothers or his mother in a negative way. This not only insults your husband but his family too. This one can really ignite an argument. Beware!
“You need to pray about that and get right with God.”
This implies that your husband needs to get his heart right with the Lord, and he wouldn’t be acting that way if he was. We don’t want to hurt someone spiritually in an argument. We are not the manager of our husband’s relationship with God, and to use that against him can be very divisive.
Everybody has disagreements, so I’m not saying that couples will never argue. But if we can avoid these phrases of what not to say to your husband during a fight, we get to the resolution quicker and make our marriage stronger. And to end all of this on a positive note, think about taking the Lists to Love By 30 Day Challenge. It could help you have fewer fights with your husband in the first place.