In recent weeks, I’ve noticed a pattern emerging in my parenting. As each of my children starts to pull away a little—asserting their independence, I tend to want to pull them right back. Sometimes I think it’s a natural maternal reaction. Sometimes I think it is doubt mixed with fear – they are just not ready. Sometimes it is my heart struggling to keep them close to me, cuddling on the couch—as if. Whatever causes it, I know that my tugging and pulling only causes anxiety and frustration in both of us.
Emily will be off to college in just a few short weeks. She’ll be living on her own, making grown up decisions, and going to class without me pushing her out the door in the morning. While I know she’s more than capable of excelling in college, this summer I had a hard time treating her with the respect—that over the years—she’s earned from me. Instead, I was over parenting her with what my mind saw as last minute training opportunities. She, of course, saw it differently! Both of us were pulling in opposite directions making mommy-ing unfun. The result was a lot of bickering.
I took a step back one day, and remembered that I reacted the same way right before Megan left home. Now that Megan is gone, however – I don’t pull her back like I did before. I just enjoy her, adore her. I am in awe of the woman she’s becoming and our relationship has taken on a whole new form because I’ve accepted her independence. No more tug. No more war.
Realizing this, I felt convicted. I knew this was not the way I wanted Emily and I to spend our last days. I knew her heart was full (so was mine), anticipating her new adventure, so, I jump-started my mommy heart, set aside the “to do” list, apologized, and loosened the reigns a bit. And now, I am in awe, again.
Alas, two kids left, I’m sure I’ll do it perfectly the next time. Right?
