My husband, Mark, often describes himself as a porcupine because as he says, “he can get a little prickly.” The reality is we all have porcupine moments in our relationships and especially in marriage. Acknowledging that you can be difficult and identifying what triggers the prickly spouse within is the path to a more harmonious marriage!
Acknowledge that you might be a porcupine…
- Porcupines have sharp quills on its back, sides, and tail, but its belly is tender and vulnerable. So, if you are often prickly or irritable, even though you have a lovable, tender side, you might be a porcupine.
- Porcupines are very vocal animals, with a variety of calls including moans, grunts, coughs, wails, whines, shrieks, and tooth clicking. If you do a lot of whining or complaining, you might be a porcupine.
- Porcupines are often solitary animals. If you find yourself wanting to be alone, and being with other people too much makes you grumpy, you might be a porcupine.
- When irritated or threatened, a porcupine will turn its back, raise its quills and lash out at a predator with its rump. If you get easily defensive, show your backside, and angrily lash out at others, you might be a porcupine.
- A porcupine’s quills have sharp tips and barbs that cause serious pain and make them difficult to remove. If you say or do things to others that deeply wound them and cause long-term pain, you might be a porcupine.
- Porcupines mate in late Summer and early Fall. Uh…well, this one doesn’t exactly fit…
Identify trigger points of conflict
Learning what your trigger points are and how to disarm them will only strengthen your marriage, making it last. In this podcast, Mark and I explore the first five conflict trigger points in greater depth and share our experiences with you so you will know how to disarm them in your own marriage. Then in part 2, we cover five more trigger points of conflict.
- Unmet expectations
- Not being heard or understood
- Not feeling valued
- Financial difficulty