As a contributor on I was asked this question…

Get an Oscar, get a divorce? University of Toronto study shows that women who win an Oscar are more likely to get divorced. How can couples in high performance careers keep their relationships on track?

Here is my answer…

Oscar winners like Sandra Bullock are not the only ones who are busy.  If you have children in your home you are a high performance couple!  Last week my husband was out of town from Thursday to Sunday.  This week I am out of town from Thursday to Sunday.  We are all busy!  But you can win the game of love (not tennis) with a winning SET – Strategy, Efficiency, and Time.

First, develop a strategy. The first thing anyone does in a new job is figure out how and when the boss likes things done.  What about your spouse?  Be strategic and figure out what your spouse really needs to feel loved.  My husband and I got so busy our relationship was crumbling.  We had to get strategic.  We sat down and answered a simple question – what one thing can I consistently do that would make you feel loved?  We had typical answers, he needs to make love to feel loved and I need to hear words of appreciation to feel loved.

Second, exercise efficiency. We schedule it.  I know this may seem unromantic to many, but it works for us.  If we don’t schedule meeting each other’s needs it won’t happen.  My husband knew that this week we would only have 3 days together, so he scheduled a dinner date, we chatted about how wonderful he thought I was and then…we both were happy!

Third, commit time. You must commit to making time together a priority and it needs to be the right time.  You wouldn’t ask your boss for a raise when he just lost an account.  Study your love and know when to meet their needs so that your shot is true and you score.

Don’t give up on your relationship!  Get ready, get SET, and you will win!

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