Parenting

8 Things a Mom Should Teach Her Son to Look for in a Girl

September 23, 2013

One day my son is going to fall in love, leave us, and cleave to his new wife.  Until then, I have the opportunity to teach him to think before he gives his heart away.  The girl he loves can either be a distraction or she can be the wind beneath his wings–encouraging and inspiring him.

Here are my thoughts on 8 things I want my son to look for in a girl.  You may want to add more ideas in the comments for other moms to think about.  There has to be at least a dozen that I didn’t think of!  If you have a daughter you can find 8 Things a Mom Should Teach her Daughter to Look for in a Boy here.

Look for a Lady.

Look for a girl that is admired for how she handles herself.  A girl who treats others kindly, dresses modestly, and speaks with wisdom will make you proud and help you to find favor with others.

Look for Inner Beauty.

Look beyond great legs or a pretty smile in order to seek a girl’s heart.  Know that her inner beauty will always outshine and outlast her outward appearance.

Look for Thoughtfulness.

Look for a girl who remembers the small details you have shared with her.  This will reveal that she genuinely cares and desires to know you.

Look for Respect.

Look for a girl who shows respect to her parents and others.  Every man desires to be respected by his wife.  A girl who has demonstrated the ability to respect others will know how to give you something very important to your relationship.

Look for Gentleness.

Look for a girl who can handle situations gently and with patience.  She should respond to frustrations and conflict with grace, rather than unceasing anger.  If she can she will be an amazing mother to your children.

Look for Selflessness.

Find a girl who is not stuck focused on her own little world.  Look for a girl whose heart is broken over the needs of others, and who works compassionately to find a solution.

Look for Joy.

Look for a girl who has a sense of contentment despite her circumstances.  Even when life’s a mess, she remains joyful because her happiness lies in God, not in her current situation.

Look for Faith.

Look for a girl who loves the Lord. Don’t settle for anyone until you see that they love God more than anyone or anything else.

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  • Our Vintage Life

    Great list! I wish this for my son, as well!

  • Bama Mama

    Great things to even start praying for! Thank you!

  • Dawn

    These are 8 things for moms to encourage their daughters to aspire to be as well! To be that lady!

    • Absolutely–may have to think about that for another blog!

  • Linda

    The last tip should be #1, or the others don’t matter.

  • Michi

    Apart from the last one, pretty good list.

  • evaphillips

    Watch how she treats her Dad. A look into how she will treat her husband.

  • Sian

    Why should it matter if I love God or not? Not everyone is religious and your religion doesn’t make you who you are. There are lovely caring people that believe God isnt real, and there are utter disgraces that believe he is. Religion isnt everything and we shouldn’t be saying that it is..my religion doesn’t define me. I still have the same personality and morals..regardless of whether I believe there’s man living in a cloud that dictates my life.

    • Jaime

      You are correct in that there are very good people with great morals who do not believe in God. The reason it does matter though is that if one person believes and the other doesn’t it can create a lot of conflict when the one person who believes wants to spend time at church, go to church events, and have a different view in life than someone who doesn’t understand. In a relationship, you want someone who is willing to pray for you and with you. You don’t want conflict on how to raise your kids if one spouse wants to raise them in church and the other doesn’t. Relationships are hard enough even when you agree on those core things. Being and Christian is more than just believing a man lives on a cloud :)…it is the way life is approached and viewed.

  • Ben

    “Love The Lord more than anything else” – if I was dating someone like that I’d leave them – it should be your husband or family – they are there for you every step of the way (assuming that they both support the same religion, then they probably wouldn’t, which is wrong) and according to The Lord… It’s been 2000 years? To me, that’s cheating in a way; leaving someone who cares about you for someone who is apparently more important, is gonna break one’s heart. Her happiness should lie in her boyfriend, not looking up to the ceiling thinking that it’ll do better than the person who’s gonna want to always spend time with; that in my shoes would make me feel worthless, and I’m not prepared to be in that situation.

    The others aren’t as true as they seem, due to the fact that people love in different ways – it doesn’t have to be “that” certain way. You’ve just got to see through their unique personalities and in the end, the rules just won’t matter. In my opinion this isn’t as accurate as the other, but honestly people… Faith isn’t important, unless they don’t accept that – then it’s gonna be considered as a bad role. To jump to the conclusion, both sides should be focused on making their relationship work, not relying on blue sky to do the job for them like it’s some sort of voodoo. Instead, look at your lover… And they’ll help you out. Do this, and you’ll have a new thing in your life; trust. 😀

    The last one (and the last part of #7) are not true – the others are (in a way).

    • hmmschuly

      I can’t glad you don’t want to date my daughter. She is too good for you…

  • ck

    These are great but it also sounds like a perfect person. Not everyone can react or be a certain way all of the time. I want my daughter to be all of these things but I also want her to be able to feel comfortable having concerns and frustrations and stresses like everyone else. I would hate for her to feel that she couldn’t be less than perfect all the time. I want her to live well and keep things in perspective that’s for sure but I want her to have the freedom to vent without fear of judgment that she doesn’t measure up because she has had a bad day or a bad week. I want her to love the Lord but if she falters I want her to have a strong man by her side that can carry her when she has weaknesses just like I would want her to carry her husband when he needs it.

  • Jessica Reece Hale

    I ESPECIALLY LOVE #8!!!!! As a mother of 4….and as a woman who grew up a non -Christian, and later became a Christian as an adult…I know first hand how important this is! A woman cannot love her spouse or boyfriend like they deserve to be loved unless they love GOd first. I know this because my love changed immensely AFTER I became a Christian. I was a good person before…I had many of the above attributes EXCEPT #8. After I became a Christian I realized why #8 was so important in my relationship. Thanks for sharing!!

  • Danette Phillips Baker

    Linda, that was my first thought. The others are great … but that is the key!

  • HeWhoKnows

    That last tip is retarded. Why would I want to marry someone who loves her imaginary sky-daddy more than me?

  • Jan

    This is so true. Do think it should say “woman”

    instead of “girl”. A girl isn’t reaady for marriage.

  • Charlie E Arnett

    There may be a lot of STUPID people who do not believe in GOD, but GOD believes in THEM. Men, there WILL be a final judgement, and your wife, and maybe your children (because of HER influence) will NOT be with you in Heaven if they DON’T believe. My dear wife possessed ALL the listed characteristics. We spent 36 wonderful years together before the Lord called her home. I thank GOD daily that there is NO doubt that we will be together in Heaven!

  • eva

    I tell my son that kindness is most important, as mentioned. But a very close second is that she is smart. Not just book smarts but more importantly that she is someone who makes smart CHOICES.

  • Janet

    I think the list is a bit idealistic and discriminatory. My daughter was a rebellious child and at that time did not demonstrate most, if any of these characteristics. Now, as an adult, a wife and mother, she learned from her mistakes and is wise beyond her years, a help meet to her husband and a gentle and patient mother. Just because a child is “perfect” in chatacter and demeanor does not mean these attributes will automatically translate into a perfect marriage one day. Only God sees and judges the heart of a man or woman. Who are we to create a list of qualifications that will predict whom will or will not be a suitable mate?

  • Tracie Wallace

    This is really great! I also would like for my son/daughter to look for a girl/boy that knows who he/she is. Often when dating you get the representative first then after a while the true person reveals themselves. When you know who you are you get the real person everyday all day their not trying to over impress they are real with greatness & flaws but do not try and hide it from the other person. Tracie from Texas

  • Patty Flisher

    Look for a girl with a sense of humor. She can be silly and laugh at herself. She also needs to get your jokes…nothing is worse than your future partner not understand your sense of humor.