It is so hard to be a perceptive mom! But sooooooo important. I have failed at this. Have I confessed that enough over the last few weeks? I have tried to be a perceptive mom, but there have been times when I have missed seeing what is really going on in my children’s lives. When that has happened, it’s usually been because of one of these three ways moms are unperceptive…
1. The Stunted Perception
Developing perception is a choice, and some parents choose not to have it. Ignorance is bliss—for a time. Sometimes parents would rather not know what their child is doing. They just hope it will all work out. But this sort of stunted perception may end up hurting their child and other children. Kids know which parents care enough to perceive what they are doing and which parents don’t, and they can identify the houses where it is safe to cross the line. This came as a total surprise for me. My easiest child became more challenging as a teenager, and I was required to develop sonar with a depth perception radius of twenty miles. I never dreamed I had it in me. My child wasn’t alone in his misadventures, and so, having learned the importance of the parenting network, I reached out to other parents to assimilate more information. I was very surprised to learn in the process that some of the parents had stunted perception. They really didn’t want to know what was going on and chose to ignore their children’s dangerous pursuits.
2. The Selective Perception
Sometimes parents can have selective sonar. These moms and dads can see a bad grade coming ten days into a new semester but never see a substance abuse problem until there is an arrest. They have their area of concern but are willing to let other areas slide. It takes a tough mom to hold the line on all fronts. Kids can really push back if they feel you won’t let them do “anything.” I know. I have shed many a private tear over hurtful, angry words from a frustrated teenager. For every time I heard “You are the only mom who cares about this stuff,” I had to tell myself a dozen times that there had to be other moms who care. I couldn’t always find them.
3. The Politically Correct Perception
Some moms are perceptive and know what is going on but refrain from taking action because they believe it is politically incorrect. This is a painful delusion that can leave you paralyzed with fear. These moms are adept at assimilating information, but once they’ve attained it, they feel guilty because they have invaded their children’s privacy. To know and not act is quite worrisome and torturous. The politically correct mom also struggles with giving consequences. She knows what is going on and wants to take action, but consequences seem so cruel and, again, so politically incorrect. How will my child survive if I take her cell phone away? Will he be permanently damaged if I take away the privilege of going to prom, playing in a game, going on a trip with friends? Will her boyfriend dump her if she can’t go to the homecoming dance? Will the coach kick him off the team if I don’t let him play in a game? Will their friends exclude them if I don’t let them go on the trip? What if my kids hate me? Will they hate me if I give them a consequence? For a time, probably. But to learn from mistakes, they need to be held accountable for their actions, and you are the wall responsible for providing that accountability.
