Slide 1

How to Control Anger When the Kids Push Your Buttons

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I am a faulty human and nobody knows that better than my family.  The knowledge my children obtain from their observation of my ways can be used against me–to push my buttons! I wish my buttons weren’t so easily pushed, my moms weren’t.  Most of my memories of her are calm, steady, unflappable; except one.  She was standing in my room and she was uncharacteristically angry with me about the untidy condition of my belongings.  I must have given her some sassy retort because she turned and swept all the junk on my dresser onto the ground as she exited the room.  That is the only time I remember pushing my mom’s buttons to the breaking point.

It gives me a little comfort knowing my mom was not infallible.  However, I confess I am not my mom and get pushed much more by my kids.

My hot button would definitely be the red one–not listening.  Something about being too busy makes it a touchy one for me.  I just don’t have the patience to repeat my words over and over.  For example I often ask, “Please put your dishes in the dishwasher.” Then I walk in the kitchen and see the dishes.  Not my dishes, not clean dishes, no the dirty dishes of a thousand children.  The button ignites a fire in my mind that distorts my vision and the dishes grow into piles that reach to the ceiling.  Picture a Dr. Seuss disaster of Thing One and Thing Two proportions.

The by-product of my exaggerated vision is adrenaline and mine pours forth in a very unbecoming manner.  This lesson comes to you from the experience of years of failing to control my elevator of feelings.  So I am learning that to control my anger when the kids push my button I must seriously zone in and…

  1. See the button, recognize that it is being pushed but refuse to get on the elevator.  In other words, don’t let it take you to the penthouse of anger.
  2. See the button for what it is–a small thing like dishes and address the problem with unflappable wisdom like my mother did.
  3. See the button and remember you love the child who pushed the button more than you care about the button pushing behavior like dirty dishes.
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Posted On: January 16 , 2013     cat-folder Parenting 7 Comments

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Comments:
  • http://twitter.com/Kathy_NatureLvr Kathy

    I’ve always been good about apologizing to my kids when I get a short fuse with them. Glad to know we’re not alone in this :)

  • michele

    my grandson pushes my button, you tell him something he blows up,for nothing, i don;t know what to do, please help

    • http://SusanMe.com Susan Merrill

      Michele so sorry how old is he?

  • Merinell

    My 9 yr old daughter pushes EVERY button I have most of the time. Almost everything becomes drama or a battle. She is an angel at school but within 15 min of getting home after missing her all day there is some kind of drama. She is the youngest and the only girl out of 3. It doesn’t even take her brothers messing with her to get the “drama”. I want to spend time cherishing my kids not stressing out over having to come up with effective discipline for what seems like all the time.

    • http://SusanMe.com Susan Merrill

      Sometimes pushing buttons becomes a way of getting attention. It’s not good attention but to some kids that’s ok. Do you think she enjoys it?

      • Merinell

        Oh no not at all – very remorseful afterwards. I have told her to try and take a slow deep breath, let it out and count to 10 before she speaks. Sometimes it works and sometimes not…

  • Christine

    Can you define unflappable wisdom? What does this mean in a practical sense? For example; what do you say to your children to get them to clean up the dishes that would demonstrate unflappable wisdom? How do you teach your kids to not push your buttons? That is the answer I’m looking for.