Susan Merrill

My daughter’s godparent is an avid “Facebook-er” and since I’m not, I’ve asked him to keep an eye on what my kids post on their walls.  Well, just a few days ago my daughter put some summertime fun pictures of herself in a bathing suit on Facebook—an absolute no-no in our house, no matter how innocent the intention.  He immediately messaged her and said, “It’s hard to catch that scripture you posted with all that skin showing.” Of course, she wasn’t too pleased with him, but she took the pictures down.  And I never had to say a thing.

Where parenting is concerned, Mark and I have incorporated the old adage “it takes a village (albeit a trustworthy one) to raise a child.” I adopted it from one of my favorite bible stories, in the book of Nehemiah.

My quick version is this: Nehemiah goes back to his people in Jerusalem to help rebuild the walls and city that had been destroyed by its enemies. The people are tired from fighting, overwhelmed with the task at hand, and scared—all the while, their enemies were crouched just outside the walls, regrouping to attack. Sound familiar? Nehemiah encouraged and prayed for the people; then he called them to immediate action.  Side by side, the families worked for years, shield and sword always at the ready.  One brick at a time, they rebuilt the wall.

Here’s the cool part:  each family was responsible for inspecting the work that of the other families to the right and the left of them.  This was done in order to ensure there wasn’t a gap or weak spot in the wall. A weak spot is all the enemy would need to infiltrate and destroy their people again.

So, do you have a friend, or family member (better yet, several) who share your same values, incorporate similar discipline styles and strive for similar goals as you? The world has plenty of eyes on your kids.  It uses every type of media – from simple cereal advertisements to social networking juggernauts, like Facebook to influence your kids. How many eyes do you have on them? For our family, Mark’s and mine weren’t enough.  We made (and still make) sure that we keep lots of trustworthy eyes on our weak spots.   We stay accountable to the families that surround us, those who are also committed to protecting their families.  Oh, and I still carry my sword and shield, just in case I need to fight.

When your first child was born, you studied the rise and fall of their chest while they were sleeping, certain that at any moment this beautiful and perfectly healthy child would suddenly stop breathing. Now that my kids are older, and especially as I’ve watched them head off to college, I often look back at those early years and wish that I would’ve stopped worrying about the silly and unpredictable things.  I wish I had been happier about the important and the even-less-than-important things.  I can’t go back, but I can share my wisdom with you.

So here are my top five:

1. Don’t worry about a super clean house…unless your mother-in-law is coming. Be Happy that your kids use their creativity and imaginations while they play games and trash the house. Believe me; soon you’ll miss hearing the trucks slide across the kitchen floor.

2. Don’t worry about how they compare to other children. Be happy with who God created them to be and teach them to be confident in the same.

3. Don’t worry about the “ifs” and the uncertainties of parenting. Be happy and find the value in what you know and can control.

4. Don’t worry about how much money you do or don’t have.

Be happy that you have been blessed with a child. People spend a small fortune on having that alone. All your children desire is your love anyway—even if they beg you for a new DS game.

5. Don’t worry about the rest of their lives. Be happy with the moments (even the harried ones) you get to share today.

As you go through your day whistling the “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” tune, think about your kids and what little bundles of happiness they are—even when they’re driving you nuts with worry!

I recently overheard this conversation, “Oh, my kids drink, they all do you know, but mine only drink at home so I know they are safe. I take everyone’s keys, including their friends, and I don’t let them leave until the morning.”

Is letting your teenager drink ever safe? Is it ever safe to break the law? Is a child safe from becoming an alcoholic because they drink at home with mom there?

If the kids spend the night, does the mom then give out condoms to keep them safe from sex as a result of the lowered inhibitions due to alcohol?

What if they get bored with alcohol and would like to try some drugs? What is the difference between illegal drinking and illegal drugs? Will they be safe doing drugs at home?

Does all of this sound crazy to you? Or am I the one who has lost her mind because I cannot fathom how anyone could believe they were doing the right thing by allowing their underage child to drink?

What’s in your discipline arsenal?  Do you use rewards or motivators with your kids?  Do you sometimes resort to bribes to get them to behave?  In this video I talk with my friend, Jan, about the discipline basics that work in raising kids.