Susan Merrill

Social networking is the Internet phenomenon of the decade.  It is transforming the way the next generation communicates. Don’t be left behind!

It is so important for moms to be in the know before their children begin using new technology or communication tools.  Unfortunately, technology is getting away from us – we are too busy to keep up.  Several times my children learned how to use a new communication tool before I had even heard of it.  They learned it from friends.  That puts moms at a distinct disadvantage! 

It makes it difficult to teach them the correct/responsible/safe way to use something if our kids are already more experienced with it and have already enjoyed using it without parental guidance, and sometimes even consent.

Social Networking: why you need to know about it from Family First on Vimeo.

Social Networking: what you need to know from Family First on Vimeo.

TIME magazine released an article this week that made a lot of sense to me.  I have observed several of the reported findings in one of my children, and it opened my eyes as to how they think.

Click here to read the article. Let us know what you think of it, and and how ADHD affects your family.

A recent article in Time magazine, titled “The Truth About Teen Girls” sounded an overdue wake-up call and asked the question, ‘Are teen girls getting too sexy?’  Well, hello?! Ya think?

Why are people so surprised lately about the choices young girls are making… from the skimpy clothes they want to wear to who, how and when they want to date… and, well, use your imagination beyond that. Here’s the thing – I’m not surprised at all at the outrageous choices young girls are making… we are the ones who allow them to make those choices.

Let me explain with an example. The other day I overheard a conversation I’ve heard dozens of times before. It was between a 4-year-old and her mother.

It went like this:

Mom: Honey, we’re going to the zoo, so please put your sneakers on.

Child: I don’t want to wear my sneakers. I want to wear my sparkle shoes.

Mom: But we’ll be walking a lot and your tennis shoes are comfy.

Child: So are my sparkle shoes.

Mom: I don’t think they are… but we need to go, so if you think you will be okay, wear them.

Here’s another:

Mom: Honey, would you like to ask Carter to come over and play?

Child: I want to have Ben over.

Mom: But the last couple of times you’ve played with Ben things got out of control. And you got in trouble together at school.

Child: You just don’t like Ben.

Mom: Of course I like Ben. I just thought it would be nice to have Carter over… you can ask Ben, if you promise to behave.

These mothers knew what was best for their child. They just didn’t want to assert their wisdom (and their authority) so they caved in. By conceding over and over again, the child will begin to feel that it is always their right to choose what’s best for themselves… what they wear or who they play with… and that their mother doesn’t really know what is best or she wouldn’t back down so easily.

 Fast-forward ten years. The child, now a teenager, comes downstairs dressed in a skirt 12 inches above her knees and a top made of 6 inches of fabric. Her dad tells her to put some clothes on. Her mom suggests a different top, and the teenager indignantly retorts, “Since when do you tell me what to wear?” She then drives off with a boy that neither of them has ever met, without bothering to say where she is going or what time she will be home.

  As parents, we can’t lay the blame completely on popular culture or the media  for what our kids do. If we give them choices (i.e. total control) when they are toddlers, it will be virtually impossible to take that away when they are teenagers. Every choice we give a toddler can mean trouble as a teenager. Think about it.

 Those choices include every who, what, where and when of their day – for example: who they play with, what they wear or eat, what they watch on TV, what games they play, where they go, and with whom, when they wake, play, work, sleep.

 I’m tired of people who seem so surprised at the choices young people are making. They say, “It’s hard not to give choices – it is so politically incorrect.” I’m tired of that, too.

 So, if you have any qualms about being a controlling mother – don’t. Saying no when you need to could save your child from a future of heartbreak and regret.